Language Leads

“Listen, do you want to know a secret.” Beatles Song Lyric

As I reflect over the past 25 years of coaching there are some themes emerging for me. One of the themes is that if I listen to the language people use, they will tell me exactly what they are thinking and how they view the world. Many of us have used style delineators e.g. MBTI, Cognitive Style, etc. to help understand others’ thinking. Another strategy is to listen to people’s metaphors. George Lakoff wrote Metaphors We Live By. A staff member talked about falling into mud puddles. What we were really talking about was his battle with alcoholism. Metaphors provide us ways to talk about issues we may not want to talk about. So, the first theme for me is to listen to people’s language. ‘Listening is different from waiting’. An activity I use with participants in workshops is to track the time you are listening and how much time are you waiting. Spending more time waiting means you are probably trying to advance your thoughts or tell someone else the answer. Spending time listening means you are learning more about the person you are coaching.

A second theme I have noticed is what I call the ‘language of certainty.’ Richard Pascale, in a book Managing on the Edge said, “Nothing fails like success.” When people get successful, we tend to stop trying to find additional ways to solve problems. This becomes a problem when the environment changes. What worked in the past might not work in new situations. So, I listen intently for people who are sure they know the answer. You can’t tell them anything if they already know the answer. I believe that humility, the willingness to admit you don’t know something, is required to learn anything. In areas of trustworthiness, integrity, honesty, etc., I want certainty. I also know there are usually many ways to solve an issue. If a person I am coaching gets locked into one way only, I know it will be very difficult for them to see other possibilities. Inviting people to be creative and look at multiple options can be difficult and very necessary. If what you are doing isn’t working, try something else.

A third theme is ‘language precedes action.’ In my experience, if the person I am coaching cannot describe what they want, they cannot develop a pathway to get what they want. So, spend time helping to clarify the issue. What I have found is more the specific a person can describe the issue, the better able they are to create an action plan. The more detailed the action plan you increase their ability to take action. If they can’t describe it, they won’t be able to do it.

Remember Einstein said, you can’t solve problems with the same kind of thinking that got you into it. Coach On!

By Bill Sommers, Member, Board of Directors

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