Everyday Conversations Enriched by Coaching

I have been amazed by the application of coaching skills and tools in the everyday moments of my life. When I learned about coaching, I could not have predicted that the values, the tools and processes would influence me as profoundly as they did. I’d like to share some of my responses to the typical moments of my life that have changed.

One Sunday morning at the gym, a former colleague shared that she could not begin to imagine her life after retirement. I asked if she would be willing to spend a little time with me thinking about her future. She eagerly accepted. I gave her a simple homework assignment—buy two packs of index cards and begin to write ideas—ideas that describe all of the possibilities: anything she wants to do, places she wants to travel, volunteer work she’d like to initiate, hobbies she’d like to nurture, work she would consider (part time or full time), people she wants to spend more time with, health/fitness goals she has, and the list of categories went on and on. She loved the assignment and each Sunday morning reported to me on her big ideas, her enthusiasm and her delight. Such a simple suggestion opened new pathways for her to explore. She’s not afraid of the unknown anymore. In fact, the paper work is submitted and she’s ready for her new path. The circle of influence widened because she’s also sharing the process with her colleagues.

One of my best friends is currently in a job that both undervalues and underutilizes her talents. One day when she was in tears, I chose not to take the path of “moral support.” Instead, we refocused the conversation. First, she brainstormed a list of issues that she wanted to discuss with her boss and we began to practice the conversation she would have. We practiced the fierce conversation until she could say it without emotion filling her voice. Each week, she is creating a plan of action. Part of the plan is about her job search, part of it about making the most of her current situation and sometimes we just stop to grieve what could have been. She’s moving toward her future. And, our conversations have been much more productive and future centered.

Another dear friend and I talk about four times a week. She has her own business. I was beginning to hear the same story about one of her employees, over and over again. One day, I reflected what I heard her saying and paraphrased how I heard her describe her proposed intervention—she decided to hire someone to “monitor” his work, adding a layer to the small business. I held up a mirror as she was thinking about this complicated personnel problem and she began to have a new perspective on the issue. She brainstormed some possible alternatives and today, I learned she is implementing one of those alternatives.

Participating in the “Falling Awake” training, receiving coaching and coaching others raised my consciousness about my listening and speaking behaviors. My work as a coach has created opportunities for different kinds of conversations. Armed with new insights and tools, I began to modify my choices in both casual and fierce conversations. I listen with more intention. I am present in a new way. I am no longer just listening, offering moral support or piggybacking with my own story. Instead, I find myself using the tools and skills of coaching; it’s a new way of just being “me.” And, I feel good about supporting, encouraging and discovering new pathways with each of my friends and colleagues.

Ann Delehant, Board Member

TRAINING OPPORTUNITIES

NOTABLE QUOTES

Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson … from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Harper Collins, 1992.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Note: This is often found on the Internet incorrectly stated as a quote by Nelson Mandela from the Inauguration Speech, 1994.

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