Volume 3. Issue 9
SEPTEMBER 2007

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
Practicing Intentional Listening

Our six-year old grandson is such a gift! Not only is he imaginative, sensitive, bright, and downright handsome, he’s fun to be around and to observe because you never know what he might say, do, feel, or teach to others. For instance, when he was younger and in need of correction, his parents would talk with him and then finish their correction with, “Jacob, do you hear me?” And, Jacob would answer back, “Hear me.” That response always sent a coaching message my way!

“Hear me.” Those words have been echoed across the ages by men, women and children. Remember the song Listen from the movie Dreamgirls? That’s a great example of one person expressing to another how much she wants him to listen, truly listen to what she has to say, to what she really wants. People hunger to be heard, really heard and yet lack of listening is typically the number one reason why conversations and relationships fail.

As coaches, we’ve been trained to listen with intention so that we hear the message beyond the spoken words to those yet unspoken in order to help our clients reach greater degrees of clarity in their thinking, goal setting, problem solving or dream making. In fact, without exception, coaching clients always indicate in their feedback on the coaching experience that having someone they can talk with who will really listen is a huge gift and extremely valuable to their growth journeys.

When we listen with intention we are responding with a clear message “I Can Hear You, Now!” What a great return on our investment! Below is a Listening Reflection Tool that I put together as a self-monitoring aid to help me stay in a mode of intentional listening. Some days I’m better than others, but my goal is to live on the right hand side of the table. What strategies do you use as an intentional listener?

Unfocused Listening
Response
Range
Intentional
Listening
My thoughts drift away when I should be listening to what is being said.
1 2 3 4 5
 		 I concentrate on what the person speaking is saying and feeling.
While I’m listening to someone else, I’m thinking about my response and how what is said relates to me.
1 2 3 4 5
 		 I listen fully to the person speaking.
I’m quick to interrupt to express my own thoughts and opinions.
1 2 3 4 5
 		 Before responding, I wait to be sure the other person is finished with his/her thoughts and intentionally use silent for expansion or clarity of thinking.
I don’t ask for clarification when I don't understand what the person means by what he/she is saying.
1 2 3 4 5
 		 I ask clarification questions to better understand what the other person is saying or meaning, but I don’t ask questions just to be talking.
I don’t make eye contact or show through my facial expressions, gestures and posture that I am listening.
1 2 3 4 5
 		 I convey nonverbal attention and interest through facial expressions, gestures and posture.
When I don’t agree with what is said, I interrupt and force my ideas into the conversation, or I respond by attacking what the person has said.
1 2 3 4 5
 		 I honor other’s views, even when they are not my own.
I feel like I need to respond to every comment made by others.
1 2 3 4 5
 		 I listen without obligation to act.
I don’t feel comfortable with paraphrasing and tend not to use it effectively or when I do use it I just “parrot back” what the person said.
1 2 3 4 5
 		 I paraphrase for clarity, elaboration, summary or to help shift the thinking for greater meaning and understanding. When I parapharse, I use thinking and feeling words and stay away from, ‘What I hear you saying is…”

By Vicky Dearing, Coaching School Results Coach

TRAINING OPPORTUNITIES

4 days of seminar style COACHING TRAINING to support Instructional Coaches in a school or district.

Taught by Professional Certified Coaches with depth of knowledge and skills to support teachers and outcomes for high STUDENT ACHIEVEMENT.

Host the training for your folks and invite others. Call for details and dates you desire. We will plan to meet your needs. Call Kathryn Kee 972-948-0450.

Deepen knowledge and application of powerful communication skills that focus on results for students by

  • Practicing committed listening and eloquent speaking with paraphrasing, positive presumption, and self-mediative feedback

  • Connecting conversation skills to Walk Through processes

  • Using tools and frameworks for difficult and critical conversations

  • Becoming intentional in all conversations

2 days plus optional follow up Coaching
Offered by Professional Certified Coaches
Host a session and invite others.
Call Kathy Kee for details 972-948-0450

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AT THE

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NATIONAL STAFF DEVELOPMENT COUNCIL

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CONTACT
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Coaching For Results, Inc. a.k.a. Coaching School Results is committed to supporting educators in achieving their goals. Our talented group of successful school leaders represents experience in all levels of school administration. Call us about how we might serve to support your highest accomplishments.

NOTABLE QUOTES

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips speak only words of kindness.!
- Audrey Hepburn

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