LISTENING ….. The Most Important Skill!

Herb Cohen, lawyer, lecturer and author talks about the skill of listening. He says that in order to find meaning and to understand what is being said during a conversation, we must hear more than the words being transmitted. He states, “…meanings are not in words, but in people.” Susan Scott in Fierce Conversations reminds us to listen “to the whole person” not just the words they are speaking.

It is only when we listen to the whole person by learning what they value, what they enjoy, what they treasure, that we can expect to reach their heart. Kouzes and Posner in Leadership Challenge tell a story of a third grader who was learning sign language. When asked why she was doing this, the young girl explained that her best friend since first grade couldn’t speak and couldn’t hear. She wanted to learn sign language to communicate with her friend. As she was mastering this new communication system, the young girl stated that she learned to “listen with my eyes and my heart, not just my ears and my brain.” What great insight this child had.

Our challenge as educators and/or coaches is to communicate with others by using effective listening strategies. We listen for what has heart and meaning. Whether we communicate with others on the phone or face to face, we must learn to listen with our brain and our heart. During each conversation, we concentrate on more than content or the words spoken by the client. We listen for emotion--how the person is feeling or how the person reports he/she wants “to be” in any given situation. We also listen for intent--what does the person want? What is his/her goal?

Eric Allenbaugh in Wake-Up Calls offers several guidelines designed to increase our understanding of others as we listen:

1. Listen with a head-heart connection.
2. Listen with the intent of understanding.
3. Listen for the message and the message behind the message.
4. Listen for both content and feelings.
5. Listen for what they are saying and not saying.
6. Listen with empathy and acceptance.
7. Listen for the areas where they are afraid and hurt.
8. Listen as you would like to be listened to.

We use our skills in listening to connect powerfully with people. When we listen with our heart and not just our brain, we engage in deeper, more relevant interactions and these conversations help people align their actions with their purpose.

Points to Ponder:

1. How might I use this information to enhance my listening skills?
2. As I share this information with others, what points will I stress?

By Edna Harris, Board Member

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Notable Quotes

People can’t really learn anything until they have something at stake.
- Ben Zander: The Art of Possibility

In life we always have three responses; resignation, anger, or possibility.
- Ben Zander: The Art of Possibility

The perfect life is all invented…so invent the one you want.
- Ben Zander: The Art of Possibility

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